Home - List All Discussions

my story

by: teddybearhamster

when i was sixteen i got pregnant. my mother likes to play religious when it's convenient for her which is what she did in this situation. she had no objections to my sister and i having boyfriends who spent the night when we were only thirteen. she didn't raise us to believe in saving ourselves for marriage or to have self respect. i once asked her why and her excuse was that she had been a hippie and believed in free love. yet when i got pregnant she was bit with the god bug temporarily and forbid me from having an abortion or even considering adoption. despite being raised this way i was a great student and planned on attending syracuse university. that all went out the window when i got pregnant though. my mother forced me to drop out of high school and told me i would just have to get a GED and that it was the same thing. contrary to what many think it is not the same thing as i found out later on when i tried to join the air force.
now here it is almost ten years later and i have a son who lives with my mother. his father dumped me when i was in my third trimester and has never been around. due to the negative circumstances of his birth i have never been able to bond with my son. it negatively effected him too. he has developmental problems which an evaluation says is due to the fact he did not bond with me. i have a daughter now who i chose to have and the feelings i have for her are so different. i didn't realize how different until i had her and felt maternal for the first time ever. i have read pro life propaganda that says abortion causes women mental problems and suicidal tendencies. i find that ironic because i have felt suicidal and have been in therapy for years for just the opposite, because i didn't have an abortion. i constantly compare myself to a friend of mine who did have an abortion. she has a masters degree and i don't. she now lives very comfortably and lucratively in ct and i consider myself the poster girl for trailer park trash. oh look at me i got knocked up, became a drop out and will more than likely struggle financially for the rest of my life.
i know my life would have been much different, and by different i mean better if my mother had not robbed me of my rights. i am still trying to get an education so i won't have to depend 100% on my boyfriend. i am still trying to get a drivers license because my mother refused to teach me. she told me to go get a boyfriend to teach me. can you all agree that is an example of poor parenting? that is just teaching a young woman she needs to depend on a man, that she can't take care of herself. i will always have an intense hatred for that fascist woman who is unfortunately my mother. she will never set eyes on my daughter. all i can do now is keep trying to make something of my life although it will be a struggle and to raise my daughter better than i was raised. i will teach her to respect herself and wait for the right person. i hope i am never faced with her being a pregnant teen but if it came to that i would let it be her choice. the only thing i would make her do is to continue her education because i love her and want her life to be a happy one. too bad my mother couldn't say the same for me.

reply from: yoda

I think that what we can all agree on is that you have constructed a scenario which you have intended to use to justify abortion, period.
And it doesn't work for me. No matter what your mother "did to you", no matter what "sacrifices you made", none of that justifies killing an innocent human being, at any age or stage of development.
The worth of the life of an innocent human being cannot be measured in dollars and cents, in education, in social status, or in any other way. To do so is to behave as immorally as the most beastly members of the animal kingdom.

reply from: sander

Well, you sure know how to blame your mother. Sounds like she made a big mistake in allowing your boyfriends stay over, but did she force you to have sex and un-protected sex as well?
Sounds like she did step up to the plate and is now raising your son. She's now taking responsibility for your actions. Can't you give her credit for that?
My daughter got pregnant in high school too, kept her baby and has made a success out of her life. Am I to take all the credit for that? Of course not. SHE made the choices, just like you did.
You won't get far with living with a victim mentality, I'd have to say that's your biggest problem. Get rid of that and you'll go far.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i'm going out on a limb here and assuming you're a christian. well guess what? i don't share those beliefs and i don't have to. why do pro lifers think it's okay to dictate other peoples lives? are you trying to revive the ways of nazi germany?

reply from: yoda

Why do proaborts think it's okay to electively kill other innocent people?

reply from: sander

Who are you addressing this to?
Coming here and calling us nazis right out of the shoot isn't going to get you very far. Get your baggage off your chest and then scoot if you don't have anything productive to say.
You've got a big case of "victimhood", that will hold you and your daughter back.
That's the best advice you'll get, you can thank me later.

reply from: teddybearhamster

Why do proaborts think it's okay to electively kill other innocent people?
last time i checked it was still a womans right to chose if she wants to reproduce or not.

reply from: sander

Yoda, I think she called you a Christian and a nazi!
You know what happens when people "assume"!

reply from: sander

Blame your mother, or take responsibility, grow up and move on with your life, it's your "choice".

reply from: teddybearhamster

You've got a big case of "victimhood", that will hold you and your daughter back.
That's the best advice you'll get, you can thank me later.i'm not thanking you. i can't change what that horrible woman did but this issue is important to me because i don't want this to happen to another person.

reply from: AshMarie88

Thank God your son is alive! And your daughter!

reply from: yoda

Yes, it is. But reproduction takes place at fertilization, not at birth.
So, stop dodging the question and tell us: why do you proaborts think it's okay to electively kill other innocent people?

reply from: JasonFontaine

You chose to have sex.
You chose the heat of the moment.
The choice was already made. Now, you are allowed to murder the purest form of innocence. But, your choice was made 9-10 months ago.
You sound really unhappy. Just because you are Pro-Life doesn't mean you're a Nazi-Christian - isn't that an oximoran....oh, moranic statement.
Sounds like you need some happiness in your life. I hope you find it. Instead of pouting - why not do more for your child than your mom did for you?
She can have everything you never were able to get - and it's not material...it's love - and I hope you give it to her every day...and I hope you find it someday yourself....

reply from: yoda

Well, I guess we can consider the source, right?

reply from: teddybearhamster

Blame your mother, or take responsibility, grow up and move on with your life, it's your "choice".
it should have been my choice all along, sadly it was not but i am moving on without my mother in my life an it's better that way.

reply from: sander

You CAN change how you respond to your circumstances.
Drop the "woe is me, it's my mom's fault" mentality and move on with your life.
Wallowing in self pity isn't going to help anyone, least of all yourself and your daughter.

reply from: teddybearhamster

Yes, it is. But reproduction takes place at fertilization, not at birth.
So, stop dodging the question and tell us: why do you proaborts think it's okay to electively kill other innocent people?i did answer. it's my body i can chose to have children or not. why do anti choicers support war-mongering bush?

reply from: yoda

S/he knows that, but apparently thinks that whining about how poorly his/her mother raised him/her will somehow justify abortion.
That's all it amounts to, a whining way to say it's "okay" to kill babies.

reply from: sander

And now she's dragging in Bush! Yikes almighty!
I'm beginning to feel sorry for the daughter she has kept and happier for the son she isn't raising.

reply from: teddybearhamster

and i feel sorry for your daughter who has had your morals force-fed to her.

reply from: sander

Teddybear,
I hope coming here and venting about your mother and your circumstances somehow helps you.
But, don't stay in that state too long, it's really an un-healthy way to live and your daughter as well as yourself, deserve better.

reply from: teddybearhamster

S/he knows that, but apparently thinks that whining about how poorly his/her mother raised him/her will somehow justify abortion.
That's all it amounts to, a whining way to say it's "okay" to kill babies.it is okay for a woman to make her own choices about her body and her life.

reply from: sander

and i feel sorry for your daughter who has had your morals force-fed to her.
You don't know a thing about myself or my daughter. She wasn't forced fed anything.
You NEED TO GROW UP!
Get a grip on yourself, for pity sake.

reply from: joe

The right to reproduce happens with the choice of having sex. The right to kill a innocent human being happens with the choice of having a abortion.
You blame all your problems because you did not kill your son? It is time you grew up.

reply from: yoda

Are you getting confused about whom you are addressing?

reply from: teddybearhamster

i know i deserve better but i don't think it's unhealthy for me to raise my daughter better than i was.

reply from: yoda

Yeah, I thought you'd be okay with killing innocent babies, for any reason or no reason at all.
That's the proabort philosophy....... kill now, and don't ask questions later.

reply from: teddybearhamster

Are you getting confused about whom you are addressing?
no i'm not that post was addressed to sander.

reply from: teddybearhamster

The right to reproduce happens with the choice of having sex. The right to kill a innocent human being happens with the choice of having a abortion.
You blame all your problems because you did not kill your son? It is time you grew up.the supreme court agrees with me that it's my choice.

reply from: sander

I think we're dealing with a very immature person.
Hopefully, she has someone in her life that is solid and mature enough to help her deal with all her problems, especially for her daughter's sake.
Anger does horrible things to people, we're seeing it here.

reply from: yoda

Do you really like the idea of killing babies? Does that make you feel powerful?

reply from: teddybearhamster

really? has she ever had a choice of what to believe or did you just tell what to believe?

reply from: sander

i know i deserve better but i don't think it's unhealthy for me to raise my daughter better than i was.
Goodness, I DIDN'T say it was unhealthy for your daugher to be raised differently. I said it was un-healthy to live in the state of victimhood and anger.
Can I ask how old you are?

reply from: teddybearhamster

Do you really like the idea of killing babies? Does that make you feel powerful?
when a woman gets an abortion it's not because it makes her feel powerful. it's because she knows it's for the best.

reply from: sander

really? has she ever had a choice of what to believe or did you just tell what to believe?
What's the matter with you? I'm quickly running out of patience.
My daughter is 34 years old. She's had plenty of time to make up her own mind and I've never done anything but support her choices.
You're beginning to embarass yourself, so maybe you better quit while you're still a little ahead.

reply from: yoda

And what if someone else thinks it would be "for the best" to kill you now?
Would you be okay with that?

reply from: sander

The Supreme court said, at one time, that slavery should be legal and that African-Americans were only 3/5ths a person.
Guess we can see they're NOT perfect, they made a mistake then, and they've made a mistake with RvW.
That's why 35 years later people are still fighting to get that made up law over-turned.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i know i have issues. it's why i'm in therapy, because of what my mother did i have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder.

reply from: teddybearhamster

if by 'embarassing myself' you mean that i'm speaking up for womens rights and speaking out against fascist christians trying to take those rights away then yeah i guess i am embarassing myself.

reply from: teddybearhamster

look at my original post and do the math.

reply from: sander

i know i have issues. it's why i'm in therapy, because of what my mother did i have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder.
Post traumatic stress disorder for having gone thru with a pregnancy that you're no longer responsible for?
Has your therapist told you that self pity and victim hood isn't healthy or productive?
PTSD is over-used, imo.
At some point, YOU have to take responsibility for your actions, your mother sure has.

reply from: teddybearhamster

ha! i've often wished that my mother would have aborted me.

reply from: sander

if by 'embarassing myself' you mean that i'm speaking up for womens rights and speaking out against fascist christians trying to take those rights away then yeah i guess i am embarassing myself.
When's your next appt. with the therapist? Hopefully it's SOON.
For pity sake, don't you read what you write?
I said you were embarassing yourself for acting and posting like you KNOW anything about my daughter and our relationship.
You need alot more help than your therapist may be able to provide.

reply from: teddybearhamster

PTSD is over-used, imo.
q]
do you have a degree in psychology?

reply from: teddybearhamster

[q
I said you were embarassing yourself for acting and posting like you KNOW anything about my daughter and our relationship.
you did the same to me so that's hypocritical of you.

reply from: AshMarie88

The right to reproduce happens with the choice of having sex. The right to kill a innocent human being happens with the choice of having a abortion.
You blame all your problems because you did not kill your son? It is time you grew up.the supreme court agrees with me that it's my choice.
Last time I checked, Hitler agreed that it was the government's choice to kill all their Jews.

reply from: teddybearhamster

it's ironic you mention hitler because most pro lifers strike me as nazis.

reply from: AshMarie88

Nope. We aren't Nazis.
Na·zi Audio Help /?n?tsi, ?næt-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[naht-see, nat-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, plural -zis, adjective
- noun
1. a member of the National Socialist German Workers' party of Germany, which in 1933, under Adolf Hitler, seized political control of the country, suppressing all opposition and establishing a dictatorship over all cultural, economic, and political activities of the people, and promulgated belief in the supremacy of Hitler as Führer, aggressive anti-Semitism, the natural supremacy of the German people, and the establishment of Germany by superior force as a dominant world power. The party was officially abolished in 1945 at the conclusion of World War II.
2. (often lowercase) a person elsewhere who holds similar views.
3. Sometimes Offensive. (often lowercase) a person who is fanatically dedicated to or seeks to control a specified activity, practice, etc.: a jazz nazi who disdains other forms of music; tobacco nazis trying to ban smoking.

reply from: teddybearhamster

[q, ]
3. Sometimes Offensive. (often lowercase) a person who is fanatically dedicated to or seeks to control a specified activity, practice, etc.: a jazz nazi who disdains other forms of music; tobacco nazis trying to ban smoking.
#3 sounds a lot like your movement.

reply from: cracrat

Not so keen on you slandering the animal kingdom Yoda. There are a whole lot of lessons we could all learn from them.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i just don't see excersing free will and doing what's best for oneself in life as being animalistic.

reply from: cracrat

There is precious little we can do to affect the cards we are all dealt in life. What defines us as people is how we play our hand. Are you going to moan and whinge that it's just not fair, why is my life so hard, woe is me, if only I could have had his/her parents, etc. Or are you going to step up, take stock and make the best of it you can.
Sure, your mum sounds like a bit of a *****. Jolly good. Get over it. You've got two children and a whole lot better an idea of how not to be a bad parent than I will ever have. Blaming her till the day you die is childish, pointless and won't contribute a jot to making your situation any better.

reply from: cracrat

She's 26. Bit older than me. Sounds like one of the ten year olds I used to babysit for though.

reply from: teddybearhamster

She's 26. Bit older than me. Sounds like one of the ten year olds I used to babysit for though.
why because i wanted to graduate?

reply from: cracrat

Having children is not mutually exclusive of all other activities. So your social life may have been crap, important lesson there to pass on to your child. You might have had to study part-time post-school. Ok, if you really want it you'd manage. If you really want something in life, you'll get it. If you don't really want it, you'll let the obstacles life throws up stop you.

reply from: teddybearhamster

Having children is not mutually exclusive of all other activities. So your social life may have been crap, important lesson there to pass on to your child. You might have had to study part-time post-school. Ok, if you really want it you'd manage. If you really want something in life, you'll get it. If you don't really want it, you'll let the obstacles life throws up stop you.
please re-read my original post. MY MOTHER FORCED ME TO DROP OUT.

reply from: cracrat

So she took you down to the school, knife to your throat, and made you do whatever it is one must do to drop out. Or did she lock you in your house until you forgot where the school was?
When I was 16, my mother had learnt that forcing me to do things I didn't want to wasn't likely to get very far. Equally, I'd learnt all manner of ways to get around whatever limits she tried to impose. Parents all over the world dispair every day at the difficulty they have in controlling their offspring, indeed some say the best bit about having kids is watching them deal with their own teenagers.
For something as important as my own education, there is precious little on this earth that could have stopped me from getting my due. Particularly if I had the prospect of a child on the way to support.

reply from: teddybearhamster

that was how i felt about it but yes my mother did use threats and intimidation.

reply from: cracrat

that was how i felt about it but yes my mother did use threats and intimidation.
So move out. Lean on your friends. Do whatever it is you have to do to get where you want to be.
I sympathise with you for being in what you thought was an impossible position. But the responsibility for how your life turns out is yours and yours alone. Your efforts to blame your mother for everything that has gone wrong, whilst perhaps comforting, won't help you make up any of the ground that you've lost.

reply from: teddybearhamster

at the time i had no where to go. my mother and sister made sure of it. i have long since moved out though. It doesn't change that i have a GED instead of a diploma, and yes there is a big difference. i tried to join the air force but they are only interested in applicants with a diploma. i tried the army, which would have been possible although my asvab scores were high enough for most any mos i could only have chosen between very few because of the GED. Also, i was a single parent and for that you need someone to agree to be your family care plan in case of deployment, and i didn't have that. not only did my mom refuse but she made sure everyone else i would have asked refused too.

reply from: cracrat

at the time i had no where to go. my mother and sister made sure of it. i have long since moved out though. It doesn't change that i have a GED instead of a diploma, and yes there is a big difference. i tried to join the air force but they are only interested in applicants with a diploma. i tried the army, which would have been possible although my asvab scores were high enough for most any mos i could only have chosen between very few because of the GED. Also, i was a single parent and for that you need someone to agree to be your family care plan in case of deployment, and i didn't have that. not only did my mom refuse but she made sure everyone else i would have asked refused too.
I find it incredibly hard to believe that anyone can have such an all encompassing influence over another person's life as to be in effect inescapable, particularly in a country the size of yours. You always have options. There are always other choices. You just need to have the courage and conviction to find them.

reply from: teddybearhamster

you would think but yes the situation was that bad. i did try to seek out other options but my mother and her thug, my sister whose only talent is barroom brawling did all they could to make those options unavailable to me and to keep me isolated. you hear stories about teen moms who make it work but in those situations, their families work with them, not against them.

reply from: galen

Sorry TB... this just does not wash for me... you are either SEVERELY dpressed or a completely selfish individual.
I've been there, I was raped... had the child and Kept( this was a stranger mind you) him. I was homeless for a time during the pregnancy. i still got my diploma... ( and YES you can go to college on a GED it just takes a bit longer) I am now married with another child, several nursing degrees and a teaching degree and a Phd.......the last degree i did with the tumour that was in my brain ( probably for the last 4 years or so) My salary goes to a home for unwed moms where we teach them to be self suffiecent. My children are happy and well ajusted.
My point is that the only obstacles in life are the ones we paint for ourselves.
pick yourself up and stop whining... you can either make bricks and build a life or sink in the mud. if you are that depressed... well treatment is there... all you have to do is commit yourself to it.
Mary

reply from: teddybearhamster

you probably had family that worked with you not agaisnt you getting your education. also, if i was so selfish that means i shouldn't have had a baby then. i have that selfless love for my daughter who i chose. i tried to make myself feel something for my son but you just can't force yourself to have feelings that don't exist. yes i am depressed. i go to therapy and have been for years. i have post traumatic stress disorder because of my mother forcing me to have a child that destroyed me.

reply from: teddybearhamster

yeah i can see that. they say they value human life so much but what they have basically told me is that my human life doesn't matter.

reply from: galen

no Jo- you would rather her be a drain on her own psyche than get any type of help for herslf... get real.
I have not yet met a woman whose choice to terminate her pregnancy had anything to do with making herself a better person. 90% of the time its fear of the unknown and selfishness... for examle.. if TBs mom were not so selfish she may have helped her daughter and given her AND her children a fighting chance. What we see instead is a selfish person who is depressed angry and introverted to the point of denial.
who do you really think your helping? Her or her mom's vision.
Mary

reply from: carolemarie

I think you have reason to be mad at your mother. She did treat you badly and she set up the situtation that resulted in your being pregnant. She sounds incredibly irresponsible. I don't understand why she made you drop out of school, most every school system has programs for pregnant teenagers so they can take care of their children and themselves. I can understand the reason you dislike her so much. And your son's problems are not because of you, but probably because of her. (I mean she gave you problems....)
And it sounds like no matter what had happen, living with her would put you in therapy!
I think it is great you love your daughter and are raising her better than your mom did you. And you are right, your mom should have loved you and worked to help you have your child and school and a happy life. That is what good parents do, they help you be sucessful in spite of any mistakes you make. Love finds a way to make things work.
You are not the poster child for trailer trash! You can go back to school and get your degree. You are not trapped in your circumstances and there is lots of help for single moms out there.
Email me and I will help you with finding programs in your area so you can change the things that are bumming you out. It sounds to me that your issues are a sucky mom and abortion wouldn't have helped that...so be encouraged, you have survived a lot and now you can have that happy life...
Blessings,
Carolemarie

reply from: galen

yeah society always loved me...
I am a blue haired "Goth" type woman who was thrown out of her parent's house for being pregnant. I probably lived in one of the most disfunctional families there was.
the point is , pick yourself up, don't look back. If you have been in therapy for years than at this point your therapist is a dweeb... or you are not being honest.
Your lack of feelings for your son is something that happened to you long before you ever had him..... so fix it. Find a new therapist and get real with yourself and them. At this point you are an adult and NO ONE is going to fix you but you. Not God or a fly speck on the wall. certainly not this board and not Jo who wants to feed off your pain.
Mary

reply from: teddybearhamster

my best friend had an abortion when she was in college. if she hadn't she would have ended up like me so yes her decision did make her a better person.

reply from: galen

degrees can make you sucecessfull not happy.

reply from: teddybearhamster

thank you for not judging me harshly. i am looking into my options for an education which is easier now that i have this computer. i just got it a week ago. i do feel trapped by my circumstances though. the relationship i'm in now is not a happy one but i'm afraid to leave because my boyfriend made it clear to me if i did he would get my daughter lizzie and i believe he could. i know i have emotional problems which would be a strong point in his case. he also comes from a good family and he has a good job. the best paying job i ever had was as an exotic dancer which i don't feel was good for me mentally and would be another thing he would use against me in court.

reply from: galen

So Jo- How mary tears have you wiped away when they come in for counseling because they regret what they did 40 years later. Especially at menapause... when there are no more babies to make, no ways to fix that bad choice. As I said degrees may make you money... it can not fix the problem that made you unhappy in the first place.
One thing Tb won't have on her is the regret of killing another human being.What she will have is something to hold on to when the going gets tough. And it probably will get worse before it gets better.
However I would look at her with much more intrest as a self made person who persevered than a kid who hid her problems by killing them or lying about them. So in the long run she will end up with more going for her than her friend.
Mary

reply from: teddybearhamster

i don't see jo as feeding off my pain, just being understanding to what i suffered. what's wrong with that?

reply from: galen

If that was what she was doing.
I see someone who is telling you its ok to wallow in it... its not. Nor is it healthy for you to say that killing another person is ok.
Mary

reply from: teddybearhamster

don't be so sure. my friend is a catholic and has long since made peace with her decision. she has a daughter now too, and a career, a husband and a beautiful home in ct, which she baught herself. she is very happy.

reply from: galen

Catholicism has nothing to do with it.....
making peace does not mean that she would do it again... i would bet dollars to doughnuts she does not run to her Bishop and argue with him about her 'choice'.
( unlike myself and my bishop who do argue quite a lot.)
besides jealousy does nothing for you but turn your eyes green. you do not know what goes on in her house or her heart. get your own house fix your own heart. what would your friend say if she knew you were contemplating the death of your child?
Mary

reply from: carolemarie

thank you for not judging me harshly. i am looking into my options for an education which is easier now that i have this computer. i just got it a week ago. i do feel trapped by my circumstances though. the relationship i'm in now is not a happy one but i'm afraid to leave because my boyfriend made it clear to me if i did he would get my daughter lizzie and i believe he could. i know i have emotional problems which would be a strong point in his case. he also comes from a good family and he has a good job. the best paying job i ever had was as an exotic dancer which i don't feel was good for me mentally and would be another thing he would use against me in court.
You can go to class online, there are grants and things you can get to pay for it.
It is hard having a boyfriend who threatens you with your daughter. That would be scary and stressful. It is difficult to cope with all the things you have going on, but I want to to know that you are not alone in this and there are people who will help you...I am one of them
I think you have done pretty great so far, in spite of all the garbage that has been inflicted on you....you should check out my site, there are some links on there that will help you
www.myspace.com/silentnomorewichita
I do want to help you because I think you can do this, you just need some support and help and encouragment....
Carolemarie

reply from: teddybearhamster

actually my friend and i have talked quite a lot about this. she is pro choice and guess what? she's voting for hillary. i have told her that if the choice had been mine i wouldn't have had my son and you know what she said? she supported me and could see the logic in it. she is from a good family that values education and values her.

reply from: galen

but again.... if she is so for what she did... why is she not here on this board... why you? An why has the Catholic community not heard of her arguing for the ability to kill you kids?...they certainly hear from me about birth controll....
your story is begining to sound fishy again.
Mary

reply from: teddybearhamster

You can go to class online, there are grants and things you can get to pay for it.
that's what i'm looking into now, online classes. i figure once i get educated and can get a job to support myself other than stripping i will have a better case when i end my relationship.

reply from: teddybearhamster

she's not here because she has a career and doesn't have the computer time i do. i don't really know what she talks to her church about. i don't ask.

reply from: sander

Your friend, Teddy is from a family that values some things, but not life.
It's the single most selfish act on earth to kill another human being to advance your own agenda.
It sounds like you regret that your son is able to live his life, can that be true?

reply from: galen

sorry then you are not really that close then are you.

if she was not ashamed she would not hide it.
go get fixed... then come back here.
Mary

reply from: teddybearhamster

i just don't talk to her about church. i respect that she's a catholic and she respects that i am not. we both feel differently when it comes to religion and god so we agreed long ago not to discuss it. i bet what you mean by getting fixed is changing my mind to thinkexactly like you and not have the audacity to disagree with you.

reply from: teddybearhamster

my friends family does value life, they value hers. i do have regrets. i regret that i didn't turn my parents into social services a long time ago. my father was a mean drunk, and well you know about my mother. i regret that i didn't get to go to the prom and graduate with my friends. i regret that my opportunites were stolen from me by my own family, the people who were susposed to love me. i regret that i wasn't able to live life.

reply from: jujujellybean

She chose sex, and with that come chances that a child may be conceived. If it is, then it is a baby that SHOULD NOT have to die because of her mistake.

reply from: teddybearhamster

should a mistake condemn a woman for the rest of her life? have you ever made a mistake? would you want to suffer for it forever?

reply from: Banned Member

Sometimes life just sucks. Better for you that your son is alive, and certainly better for him. Better that you are miserable, than your son in a medical waste dump, rotting with all the other garbage they throw in there.

reply from: 4given

Sounds to me like you are talking about abortion.. and yes... Nevermind the consequences of such selfishness...Most probably you don't have half the tale to tell- just an audience you hope will buy it. So your mother discouraged you from killing him- he is alive, yet you wish you had killed him?

reply from: AshMarie88

actually my friend and i have talked quite a lot about this. she is pro choice and guess what? she's voting for hillary. i have told her that if the choice had been mine i wouldn't have had my son and you know what she said? she supported me and could see the logic in it. she is from a good family that values education and values her.
What's stopping you from killing him right now?

reply from: teddybearhamster

Sounds to me like you are talking about abortion.. and yes... Nevermind the consequences of such selfishness...Most probably you don't have half the tale to tell- just an audience you hope will buy it. So your mother discouraged you from killing him- he is alive, yet you wish you had killed him?
i do wish i had terminated that pregnancy. my mother didn't discourage me from 'killing' him. she forbid me my right to chose and my right to an education.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i'm a human life so you're basically telling me mine doesn't matter. i'm as good as dead.

reply from: faithman

i'm a human life so you're basically telling me mine doesn't matter. i'm as good as dead.
This life is but a whisper in eternaty. Life is SSSSSSSSSOOOOOO incredibly short. The years are like a roll of paper towels. The closer to the end of the roll you get, the quicker they go. How incredibly sad to waist such a short and precious time, hating ones self and family, and advocating the destruction of innocent womb life out of spite for what others have done. 2wrongs never make a right. Particularly the "right" to "choose" to kill an innocent life. No greater love can be expressed, than to lay down your life for others. One of the greatest expressions of love on the planet, is the love bond between parent and child. We are vessels that were created to be filled with love. What a mis-use to indulge in spite, and fill this human vessel with such hate that betrays the love bond of parenthood, by planning to kill your children, insted of laying down your life for them. How incredibly selfish to kill the future, in order to not be inconvenianced in the present. It does not suprise me that bortheads try to project the sin of hatred onto pro-life. For hate is all they have to offer.

reply from: teddybearhamster

you advocate the killing of my future. what does that say about you?

reply from: sander

my friends family does value life, they value hers. i do have regrets. i regret that i didn't turn my parents into social services a long time ago. my father was a mean drunk, and well you know about my mother. i regret that i didn't get to go to the prom and graduate with my friends. i regret that my opportunites were stolen from me by my own family, the people who were susposed to love me. i regret that i wasn't able to live life.
Why exactly are you here?
If you're looking for sympathy then try a proabortion website. They'll pat your back til it's black and blue for the death wish you have for your son.
They'll hand you a crying towel everytime you whine about not getting to go to the prom and having such a mean mommy and daddy.
They'll give you a prize for every expressed gripe about how you didn't get your education because your mom approved of your boyfriends.
Here, not so much.
Here we value the life in the womb. Here we approve of those who face their responsibilities like a man or a woman, who own up to their own mistakes without killing someone else in the process and without blaming everyone and their brother for their own stupidity.

reply from: sander

you advocate the killing of my future. what does that say about you?
Are you THAT dense? You still have a future. You're so in love with wallowing in self pity you can't see past anything else.
You need a new shrink.

reply from: teddybearhamster

my friends family does value life, they value hers. i do have regrets. i regret that i didn't turn my parents into social services a long time ago. my father was a mean drunk, and well you know about my mother. i regret that i didn't get to go to the prom and graduate with my friends. i regret that my opportunites were stolen from me by my own family, the people who were susposed to love me. i regret that i wasn't able to live life.
Why exactly are you here?
If you're looking for sympathy then try a proabortion website. They'll pat your back til it's black and blue for the death wish you have for your son.
They'll hand you a crying towel everytime you whine about not getting to go to the prom and having such a mean mommy and daddy.
They'll give you a prize for every expressed gripe about how you didn't get your education because your mom approved of your boyfriends.
Here, not so much.
Here we value the life in the womb. Here we approve of those who face their responsibilities like a man or a woman, who own up to their own mistakes without killing someone else in the process and without blaming everyone and their brother for their own stupidity.
do you honestly believe what my mom did was right? i just wish you people knew what you're really doing. i've heard some of your propaganda claim that i'm an 'abortion survivor' because i was born after 1973 and you say you're giving a voice to unborn babies. well let me tell you, i wish my mother would have aborted me rather than give me the 'life' she did.

reply from: sander

I honestly think your mom has stepped up to the plate and put her money where her mouth is. She's raising the son you wish was dead.

reply from: faithman

you advocate the killing of my future. what does that say about you?
You are the one who advocates that with abortion. Abortion is the killing of the future, not the preservation of it. Just who is going to be watching the IV bottle when you are old if you killed off your kids when you were young? Don't give me that education crap, I come from a single parent mom, who worked 2 jobs, and went to school while raising 4 children. You just don't have the guts to face tough times, and would rather take the cowards way out by sitting on your lazy butt and whine about how everyone has done you wrong. Only a lazy cowardly scanc would kill off her children because the going might be a little hard. You advocate the killing of totally innocent life, and we all know what that says about you.

reply from: teddybearhamster

and basically killed me in the process.

reply from: teddybearhamster

[You are the one who advocates that with abortion. Abortion is the killing of the future, not the preservation of it. Just who is going to be watching the IV bottle when you are old if you killed off your kids when you were young? Don't give me that education crap, I come from a single parent mom, who worked 2 jobs, and went to school while raising 4 children. You just don't have the guts to face tough times, and would rather take the cowards way out by sitting on your lazy butt and whine about how everyone has done you wrong. Only a lazy cowardly scanc would kill off her children because the going might be a little hard. You advocate the killing of totally innocent life, and we all know what that says about you.
what my mom did to me killed my future. i'm happy for you and your mom that you guys were able to make it work. unfortunately, my situation, which by the way you weren't there and know nothing about was different than yours.

reply from: Banned Member

You are not dead, but because your life is not what you wish it would be, you wish your son was dead. You cannot change the past, and neither can you know that an abortion would have made one bit of difference in your life for the better. You are alive and your son is alive. Make something of that. Make something of your life. Stop being afraid. Stop living in the past. The time you spend lamenting the past are days you will never live again. How should you live them? How much time have you already wasted?

reply from: sander

and basically killed me in the process.
Are you breathing?
Were you able to get up this morning, walk to a computer, turn it on and start your day whining?
You're alive, nobody killed you.
You have the chance to make something of yourself, so stop the parade of self pity and get on with things.
You think by coming here you're going to vindicate your self pity and take it out on those who are pro-life. Please, get a new shrink, obviously the one you're seeing hasn't helped you at all.
Someone is enabling you to carry on like you're the only one on earth who has had a difficult past. They're doing you no favors.

reply from: sander

And you might want to consider what you've done to your son. You're no better than your mother or father. Think of how he must feel knowing his own mother didn't want him and rather wished he was dead.
That's alot more baggage to go thru life with than what you're whining incesently about.

reply from: teddybearhamster

my therapist agrees that i did not have decent parents. i just want anti choicers to understand what kind of lives the 'babies' they seek to save and the women whose rights they seek to destroy are going to have.

reply from: teddybearhamster

You are not dead, but because your life is not what you wish it would be, you wish your son was dead. You cannot change the past, and neither can you know that an abortion would have made one bit of difference in your life for the better. You are alive and your son is alive. Make something of that. Make something of your life. Stop being afraid. Stop living in the past. The time you spend lamenting the past are days you will never live again. How should you live them? How much time have you already wasted?
i cannot change the past that's correct. i can't get back what was stolen from me.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i was sixteen. my mother should have considered my maturity level before forcing a baby to have a baby. i have tried to force myself to love him but sorry i can't conjure up feelings that do not exist.

reply from: AshMarie88

my friends family does value life, they value hers. i do have regrets. i regret that i didn't turn my parents into social services a long time ago. my father was a mean drunk, and well you know about my mother. i regret that i didn't get to go to the prom and graduate with my friends. i regret that my opportunites were stolen from me by my own family, the people who were susposed to love me. i regret that i wasn't able to live life.
Why exactly are you here?
If you're looking for sympathy then try a proabortion website. They'll pat your back til it's black and blue for the death wish you have for your son.
They'll hand you a crying towel everytime you whine about not getting to go to the prom and having such a mean mommy and daddy.
They'll give you a prize for every expressed gripe about how you didn't get your education because your mom approved of your boyfriends.
Here, not so much.
Here we value the life in the womb. Here we approve of those who face their responsibilities like a man or a woman, who own up to their own mistakes without killing someone else in the process and without blaming everyone and their brother for their own stupidity.
do you honestly believe what my mom did was right? i just wish you people knew what you're really doing. i've heard some of your propaganda claim that i'm an 'abortion survivor' because i was born after 1973 and you say you're giving a voice to unborn babies. well let me tell you, i wish my mother would have aborted me rather than give me the 'life' she did.
But not everyone who has a bad life wishes they were aborted, and you cannot stand for aborting babies right now and in the future and just ASSUME they'd have the thought many years from then, that they'd wished to have been aborted. No, you cannot read every person's mind, and it's stupid to try and do so.
Look, we're sorry that your life isn't that great. But truth be told, life does indeed suck butt sometimes, that's life. And life being hard and you not wanting to be here isn't a reason to abort any child.
YOU NEED TO START VALUING LIFE, INCLUDING YOURS!
Straighten up and live life the way it should be lived! You don't have much longer to live in this world, time goes by quickly!

reply from: faithman

my therapist agrees that i did not have decent parents. i just want anti choicers to understand what kind of lives the 'babies' they seek to save and the women whose rights they seek to destroy are going to have.
A child is born last into a poverty stricken family of eight children. Dady leaves, and mom is left to raise her children on her own, and to top if off, she later finds out her husband left her infected with an STD. The child later loses his hearing because of it. Would you abort this child? If you said yes, you just killed Beetoven in the womb and robbed the world opf some of the most beautiful music we have ever known. It ain't about how we start out, it is about how we finish.

reply from: sander

my therapist agrees that i did not have decent parents. i just want anti choicers to understand what kind of lives the 'babies' they seek to save and the women whose rights they seek to destroy are going to have.
You're looking at every other life thru your own perceptions and realities.
NOT everyone has your past. And NOT everyone has your future.
You're a prime example of selfishness.
There are many, many women who are happy they "chose" to have their child and regret they ever considered the option of abortion. Try adding those into your equations.
The picture isn't as black as you're painting it.

reply from: Banned Member

Maybe you can't love your son the way you should, or want to, if that is even what you want. But you must love yourself enough to want to change the future. You must want to make things better. To forgive does not mean that you condone. You have to forgive your mother, that means stop resenting her and what she did and stop re-fighting those old battles. You must move on. It will not be easy, but you must.

reply from: teddybearhamster

[YOU NEED TO START VALUING LIFE, INCLUDING YOURS!
q]
how can i value my life? i'm trash because of what my mother did to me. i could have gone to a great college but my mom decided to destroy me. i've faced that i'm trailer trash but it doesn't make me any less unhappy.

reply from: faithman

i was sixteen. my mother should have considered my maturity level before forcing a baby to have a baby. i have tried to force myself to love him but sorry i can't conjure up feelings that do not exist.
Love is a gift, not just a feeling. The only way to get it is to recieve it from the one who offers it. A simple thank you to the giver looses it into your life. But few unthankfull little twits like you have the courage to understand that.

reply from: sander

You're all for choices, right? Well, you have a choice, you can choose to wallow in self pity or choose to rise above your circumstances.
Which is it?

reply from: teddybearhamster

this is the reality for most women seeking an abortion, they can't take care of a baby.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i was sixteen. my mother should have considered my maturity level before forcing a baby to have a baby. i have tried to force myself to love him but sorry i can't conjure up feelings that do not exist.
Love is a gift, not just a feeling. The only way to get it is to recieve it from the one who offers it. A simple thank you to the giver looses it into your life. But few unthankfull little twits like you have the courage to understand that.
so in other words you're implying i should thank the woman who made me drop out of school, my mother? you're insane and evil.

reply from: sander

this is the reality for most women seeking an abortion, they can't take care of a baby.
Who told you that? You've believed the proabort propaganda.
I know of a woman who was raped and kept her baby and is delighted she did so and there are many others like her.
There is the option of adoption too for these women.
Death is not the answer.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i am working on picking up the pieces, but i can't get back what was stolen from me.

reply from: faithman

i was sixteen. my mother should have considered my maturity level before forcing a baby to have a baby. i have tried to force myself to love him but sorry i can't conjure up feelings that do not exist.
Love is a gift, not just a feeling. The only way to get it is to recieve it from the one who offers it. A simple thank you to the giver looses it into your life. But few unthankfull little twits like you have the courage to understand that.
so in other words you're implying i should thank the woman who made me drop out of school, my mother? you're insane and evil.
No! I am saying you need to thank the one who created you in your mother's womb, and He will give you the gift of love that you can then share with others. That starts with thanking Him for your existance.

reply from: teddybearhamster

no i can't love my son. you can't force love. my mother tried it and it failed. i cannoy forgive the vile nazi that took away my right to an education, my plans for syracuse university and my right to chose. the damage she caused is too much for me to ever forgive.

reply from: teddybearhamster

this is the reality for most women seeking an abortion, they can't take care of a baby.
Who told you that? You've believed the proabort propaganda.
I know of a woman who was raped and kept her baby and is delighted she did so and there are many others like her.
There is the option of adoption too for these women.
Death is not the answer.
i told you yesturday what happened when i suggested adoption to my mother. do you think that was right of her too? i bet you do.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i am not a christian. how dare you force feed religion you nazi.

reply from: faithman

i am working on picking up the pieces, but i can't get back what was stolen from me.
You can't get back what was stolen, that is true. but there is a judge of the whole universe who will restore that which was stolen. You just have to believe that He is, and is a rewarder of those who dilligently seek Him out. Of course you can spend the rest of your life basting in the self loathing soup you seem to injoy.

reply from: sander

i am working on picking up the pieces, but i can't get back what was stolen from me.
So, what has that to do with the future?
Wallowing in the past is going to keep you and your daughter from a successful life. You're going to trip yourself up until you let go of the past.
And while you're still in the "past", please don't forget NOBODY forced you to have sex. You're mother didn't put a gun to your head and said do it or else. Accept YOUR responsibility in this equation, let go of the past and move forward.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i am working on picking up the pieces, but i can't get back what was stolen from me.
You can't get back what was stolen, that is true. but there is a judge of the whole universe who will restore that which was stolen. You just have to believe that He is, and is a rewarder of those who dilligently seek Him out. Of course you can spend the rest of your life basting in the self loathing soup you seem to injoy.
look NAZI, if your god exists i hater the mother*****er for the piece of*****life he gave me. stop forcing your fascist religion on me.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i am working on picking up the pieces, but i can't get back what was stolen from me.
So, what has that to do with the future?
Wallowing in the past is going to keep you and your daughter from a successful life. You're going to trip yourself up until you let go of the past.
And while you're still in the "past", please don't forget NOBODY forced you to have sex. You're mother didn't put a gun to your head and said do it or else. Accept YOUR responsibility in this equation, let go of the past and move forward.
i didn't really know any better back then. my mother certainly didn't teach me to be a lady. she condoned promiscuity and then had the nerve to get religious when i got pregnant.

reply from: sander

this is the reality for most women seeking an abortion, they can't take care of a baby.
Who told you that? You've believed the proabort propaganda.
I know of a woman who was raped and kept her baby and is delighted she did so and there are many others like her.
There is the option of adoption too for these women.
Death is not the answer.
i told you yesturday what happened when i suggested adoption to my mother. do you think that was right of her too? i bet you do.
News flash, you're not the only person on earth.
Everything isn't always about you.
I was talking about women in general.
I think your mother should have let you adopt your baby out to a loving home.
I hope you're not shocked to learn you're not always right and you really can't look into the heart of every person.

reply from: teddybearhamster

this is the reality for most women seeking an abortion, they can't take care of a baby.
Who told you that? You've believed the proabort propaganda.
I know of a woman who was raped and kept her baby and is delighted she did so and there are many others like her.
There is the option of adoption too for these women.
Death is not the answer.
i told you yesturday what happened when i suggested adoption to my mother. do you think that was right of her too? i bet you do.
News flash, you're not the only person on earth.
Everything isn't always about you.
I was talking about women in general.
I think your mother should have let you adopt your baby out to a loving home.
I hope you're not shocked to learn you're not always right and you really can't look into the heart of every person.
i may not always be right. no one is INCLUDING YOU FASCIST, but i am right about knowing what would have been best for me, you don't.

reply from: faithman

this is the reality for most women seeking an abortion, they can't take care of a baby.
Who told you that? You've believed the proabort propaganda.
I know of a woman who was raped and kept her baby and is delighted she did so and there are many others like her.
There is the option of adoption too for these women.
Death is not the answer.
i told you yesturday what happened when i suggested adoption to my mother. do you think that was right of her too? i bet you do.
News flash, you're not the only person on earth.
Everything isn't always about you.
I was talking about women in general.
I think your mother should have let you adopt your baby out to a loving home.
I hope you're not shocked to learn you're not always right and you really can't look into the heart of every person.
i may not always be right. no one is INCLUDING YOU FASCIST, but i am right about knowing what would have been best for me, you don't.
You obviously do not know what is best for you. Hating your mom is best for you? Having kids Out of wedlock is best for you? Staying with a man who treats you like a piece of sex meat because he can't do better is good for you? Adovating death as the answere to problems is good for you? I would say you don't no what is good for anybody, much less yourself!!!! You will only know how truely valuable you are when you come to the one who says your souls is worth more than all the riches of the world. But you say that such a valuable jewel as a preborn soul can be thrown away for the sake of an education. I don't think the tuition at any university should be that high.

reply from: teddybearhamster

if i had the ability to support myself, which an education would have given me, i would end my relationship with my boyfriend.

reply from: faithman

if i had the ability to support myself, which an education would have given me, i would end my relationship with my boyfriend.
There is one who promises to suply all your need. I have found Him to be faithful to His word.

reply from: teddybearhamster

that's good for you but it didn't work for me. god hates me.

reply from: faithman

that's good for you but it didn't work for me. god hates me.
It didn't work because you didn't do it right. You tried it on your turms. Why not surrender to His? you can stay over there where His wrath abides on ya, or you can hop into the river of life. The water is mighty fine.

reply from: galen

i just don't talk to her about church. i respect that she's a catholic and she respects that i am not. we both feel differently when it comes to religion and god so we agreed long ago not to discuss it. i bet what you mean by getting fixed is changing my mind to thinkexactly like you and not have the audacity to disagree with you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
nope what i mean is come here with a clear head that will allow you to debate... if all you are here for is to pour out your guilt and rage , we are not therapists, nor psychiatrists. people here have reached out to you and as far as i can see you came right back to your computer instead of availing yourself of help. You are still arguing a point that is fruitless on a prolife site. What.. did you think to come here and have such an aweful story that yours would change our minds?
Many here have a worse story than you... and it did not make them kill thier children... others came here after having an abortion and then seeing what a horrible move that was wanted to tell others what they had been through.
You on the other hand have 2 wonderful children that are ALIVE and therefor whatever regrets you have you can always fix . Once someone is dead there is no going back. And to arrange a death merely for your own convienence is a dispicable thing no matter who or what you think you are.
So if you still feel justified in your self righous blather then go on ahead... otherwise... use your time to fix yourself.
Mary
remember everything after the "but" is bull$%!(

reply from: lukesmom

All I can say is "wow". My computer was down and I have to admit I haven't read every post because they all seem much of the same.
Teddybear:
1. STOP BLAMING YOUR MOTHER FOR YOUR CHOICES! You made the choice to have sex therefore to become pregnant AND not to have an abortion because you followed your mother's advice and did not have an abortion. Now I know you mom was not the best mom but sounds like she did the best she could. As you are a parent, you may realize ALL parents make mistakes, you included. You also made the choice NOT to go to school. Other women in your situation and worse have continued school and advanced themselves dispite being pregnant.
TIME TO GET OVER IT! and stop blaming and stop whinning. I am glad you are in therapy because you need it badly to learn how to take control over your life and take responsibility for your choices.
2. All I hear from you is how your life is ruined because of not killing your son. Have you asked your son if he feels he should have been killed? Lord girl! Get a grip and look around you and notice there are other people in this world beside YOU.
Now stop whinning about the past you cannot change and start working for the future. Get your high school diploma and go on to college if you want. I went back to school in my 30's when I had a 2 yr old and pregnant with another AND worked part time. Where there is a will there is a way but not if you are sitting on your butt complaining about your past and how hard you have it now. Get going! and good luck.

reply from: teddybearhamster

you are wrong that dropping out was my choice. my mother forced me and she used threats, intimidation and isolation to do it.

reply from: AshMarie88

You know what? On a myspace forum I'm on, a 14 year old girl's a member and she's amazing. 14 and a mother! Her mom threatened her and did everything in her power to force her daughter to have an abortion. So the girl packed her things and left. Mind you, she was 13 at the time, and had her baby at 14. Oh... and the boyfriend didn't want it either.
She's one of the best pro-life voices out there, and I think she's awesome.

reply from: galen

-----------------------------------------------------------------
wrong you did have a choice... you chose to listen to her.. you chose to have the baby... if you wanted an abortion that badly... what stopped you?
lesser mortals than you have done much worse to rid themselves of unwanted problems...
Mary

reply from: teddybearhamster

i begged her to stay in school. what stopped me was she isolated me and used my sister as her own personal thug to literally keep me under lock and key. i know how nuts that sounds but yes, the situation was that bad. also, when my sister wasn't there my mean alcoholic father was to keep me in line, or in this case home and out of school.

reply from: galen

then press charges against her/ them... or get on with your life... stitting hereand decrying what has happened to you will not fix you.
You are the only person in this world who will ultimately fix you... no one else can do it . No miracle will occure to keep the leg work from being done...
death or life .... your choice. you are so big on choices.
Mary

reply from: lukesmom

Poor wording on my part, sorry. You mother may have "forced" you to quit school but how long have you been away from your mother? By continuing school, I ment continuing your education at ANY time you were able. That time was then, it is over, it is the past. Time to let that go and concentrate on NOW. It is easy to just stop living because of feeling sorry for yourself. YOU are in control of your life NOW so do something about it besides feeling sorry for yourself and playing the blame game. Doesn't do a bit of good and is counterproductive. Now is now and then is over. Period.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i did continue when i was able. i'm still continueing. i got a GED but it's not the same thing. i'm trying to move on but it doesn't give me back what i lost and i am still angry for it. you can't even join the air force with a GED and syracuse university sure wasn't interested in it either. by the way, i also tried to talk to my mother about adoption too which i thought was a good idea. i even had a couple in mind. my son would have had a mother and father that love him which he doesn't now and he would have been a trust fund baby living in connecticut. when i approached my mother with the idea of adoption she threatened me in some very twisted ways. her reasons for not allowing him to be adopted were selfish imo. her reason was that she couldn't sleep at night having a grandchild that she could never see. well i guess karma bit her with that one. she's never seen my lizzie and never will. i don't keep her away out of revenge. i do it to protect lizzie. after the way i was raised i know my mother has no business being any part of a young girls life. however, it does give me satisfaction that the woman is in pain because she has a grandchild she can never see.

reply from: kayluvzchoice

Wow, you people are a bunch of insensitive *****ers.

reply from: faithman

...and you are an evil pro-death scanc, so I guess we are even.

reply from: 4given

Beyond this opinion, what advice do you have for her? Why don't you give an opinion up? Is that not insensitive of you to not support, encourage or direct her? Why don't the pro-aborts address her or her problems? Why don't you Kayla?

reply from: carolemarie

i begged her to stay in school. what stopped me was she isolated me and used my sister as her own personal thug to literally keep me under lock and key. i know how nuts that sounds but yes, the situation was that bad. also, when my sister wasn't there my mean alcoholic father was to keep me in line, or in this case home and out of school.
Dear One:
My heart just goes out to you! You have gone through alot and I am so sorry that people have hurt you and mistreated you. Here is a link to a board that will help you. http://www.shelleylubben.com/forum/index.php
This is Shelley's board, she is an ex-porn star and there are lots of women who struggle with similar issues as you do on the board. I am one of the moderators and I can tell you that you will find kindness and love and real help on this board. Many of us have live through similar things as you, and have founding healing and wholenss, and we want to help you get that freedom and help. You are suffering from Post-Tramatic Stress Syndrome, and you can get free from that.
Please come and check out the forum and see if we can help you.
Peace to you,
Carolemarie

reply from: teddybearhamster

thank you. i will check out this link. tyra did a show not long ago about that industry and there were women on there talking about similar things.

reply from: sander

And your answer to her story was what?
Your demonstrated your sensitivity how?
Did you take the time to say a prayer on the thread that is dedicated to Teddybear?
No, you did what you always do, nothing.

reply from: yoda

I think that Kaylovesdeadbabies is upset because that person says they didn't abort. She's just venting her frustrations.

reply from: sander

You're asking for another lecture on how kay doesn't love dead babies, pretty risky post there, fella!

reply from: faithman

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM? Luvs choice.... choice = dead womb children... Yepper, I'd say the scanc loves dead babies. Unless she has recanted of course.... But thats just me...

reply from: nancyu

Holy, Moly You all are Way more patient than I am. I have read all of the posts here. I would have given up on teddybearhamster a LONG time ago. I said my prayers for her. She is bound and determined to spend her life miserable. It's time to let this one go. I will say the rest of the prayers for her son and daughter who, thankfully still have hope for a happy life.
God Bless you all.

reply from: teddybearhamster

you are wrong. i do not enjoy this. i do not enjoy being unhappy. i just don't know how to make the pain go away. any ideas you have would be appreciated because i sure don't know how to do it.

reply from: yoda

Teddybearhamster, at the risk of seeming unsympathetic, I wonder why you choose this forum to seek answers to your problems? Are you aware that this forum is dedicated to abortion issues? Do you really think that the anonymous posters here are well equipped to counsel someone in need of such personal advice?
Do you have any local resources at all? A minister, a nurse practitioner, a social services agency?

reply from: nancyu

you are wrong. i do not enjoy this. i do not enjoy being unhappy. i just don't know how to make the pain go away. any ideas you have would be appreciated because i sure don't know how to do it.
I didn't say you enjoyed this. I have no suggestions for you. You've got 7 pages of suggestions from the other people here, as well as an entire thread of prayers from people who don't even know you from Eve. Take them (or leave them if you so *choose*) and be on your way. As far as I can see there is no hope for you, but I will continue to pray for your children (I say "your" children, when what I mean is the children you gave birth to, although I don't believe they are exclusively "your" children, they are also children of the world, and of God, and of their own.) whether you like it or not.
I will pose one question to you though: Are you sure you are angry with your mother for taking away your "choice?" or are you angry with her for taking away your child?

reply from: teddybearhamster

what makes me angry with her is that she made me drop out of school. no one will ever convince me that taking that away was the right thing to do. there was the option for him to be adopted and i have never been able to understand why she thought that was bad. no matter where a person stands on the pro choice vs. pro life issue i think it's important for anyone to finish school. how is someone supposed to take care of a baby if they can't take care of themselves and how can anyone take care of themselves or anyone else without education and skills to do so? it just hurts a lot that it was taken away. i don't know how to get over the anger and hurt my mother caused me by making me drop out. if i may ask, if you had a pregnant daughter would you want her to drop out?

reply from: nancyu

No I wouldn't want my daughter to have to drop out of school. Here is an area where I WOULD be pro choice. (I'm just NOT pro choice to kill a baby)
I don't agree with your mother for two of the things she did to you:
1) for allowing you to have sex in your home at such a young age, and
2)for not allowing you the choice to stay in school.
In these two things, especially the first, you were definitely a victim, and you are justified in feeling this way. I don't know if you can get over your anger with her, or whether or not you should. Maybe you shouldn't? Is she sorry for this now? If she's not, then you don't owe her any forgiveness for this.
But I hope that you can recognize that you are separate from her now. You are an adult now, and today you can start to make YOUR life better.

reply from: teddybearhamster

she is not sorry for either of those things. i think if she were i could forgive it. this is why i feel it's soooo sooo important for young people to be taught right about sex. every kid deserves to know the right things.

reply from: nancyu

My story
A few years ago, I lived next door to a lady who appeared to be very "successful." Her husband was a college professor, she was a distinguished science teacher. She had two lovely children, a 7 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. I lived in a tiny two bedroom carriage house which was attached to the very large house that she and her family lived in.
I was recently divorced and was struggling to raise my two children with very little, if any help from my ex. My 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter shared a tiny bedroom which was essentially a large closet. I had a small business at the time, as a photo retoucher. So I was able to stay at home with my kids. It was a modest income though. I remember having some screaming matches with my ex, begging him to help us out because we truly had a tough time making ends meet.
The lady next door really loved to chat, and she loved her two children. We would often stay up late at night talking in the hallway between our homes. She told me that she grew up in a trailer park. She told me how she ended up going to college and how amazed she was that she was able to excel. Then she told me that when she was a teenager she got pregnant and her boyfriend dumped her. She decided to have an abortion. She said to me, "Could you imagine if I would have had that baby? That would have ruined my life!" I was stunned. I didn't say a word, but from that moment I lost all respect I had once had for her.
What about the life she stole from that child, so that HER life could be the "success" that it had become? What about her two children who could have known another brother or sister?
I stopped feeling sorry for myself at that moment. Because I would rather be poor forever, then to obtain success, by killing an innocent child. An innocent, defenseless child.
If you think this is imposing my religion on you I will say to you I'm not. I am far from the most religious person on earth. My own children have very separate beliefs from mine, I don't even impose my beliefs on them! I certainly won't impose them on you or anyone else. This is just how I feel . If I saw someone beating on their child I would intervene. It's a natural reaction I would have. I couldn't see that and let it continue. In the same way, I can't know that thousands of innocent children are dying daily, and not do everything I can, to help to make it stop.

reply from: nancyu

she is not sorry for either of those things. i think if she were i could forgive it. this is why i feel it's soooo sooo important for young people to be taught right about sex. every kid deserves to know the right things.
I agree with you. You are so very right about that.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i don't think you are imposing, just sharing. i tend to think things might be best in these situations for adoption to be considered. if you think about it, for a situation like mine and perhaps for the woman you mentioned that could have been a great thing. i'm all for adoption. i always see people on tv shows concerning infertility and ivf and then i see a commercial for adoption and put two and two together and come up with a solution for that problem. this was something i tried to talk to my mother about too. when i was pregnant i went to her and said 'listen mom, i'm so young and i don't think i can do this........' i even had a couple picked out who i know would have been wonderful for him. this also makes me angry about my mom because she flipped and wouldn't hear it. her reason was that she couldn't stand having a grandchild she couldn't see. so i feel she made it about her instead of what was best for the parties involved. jmho

reply from: nancyu

I think I agree with you. It does suck when people bigger than you have power over you doesn't it? This should NOT have been her decision. I'm starting to get mad at her too. It seems like she used you to be a surrogate mother for her.

reply from: teddybearhamster

I think I agree with you. It does suck when people bigger than you have power over you doesn't it? This should NOT have been her decision. I'm starting to get mad at her too. It seems like she used you to be a surrogate mother for her.
that's what i think too and also as a way to hold onto me. we didn't have a good relationship and she knew once i turned 18 and graduated i was gone. she used it as a way to stop that from happening but it obviously backfired.

reply from: faithman

I think I agree with you. It does suck when people bigger than you have power over you doesn't it? This should NOT have been her decision. I'm starting to get mad at her too. It seems like she used you to be a surrogate mother for her.
that's what i think too and also as a way to hold onto me. we didn't have a good relationship and she knew once i turned 18 and graduated i was gone. she used it as a way to stop that from happening but it obviously backfired.
Sounds to me like your mother was scared. Scared mostly of being alone. Funny thing about fear. If not delt with, your worst fears come upon you.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i think so too. my parents were married(my dad is dead now) but he was a very mean alcoholic and i think she didn't want to be left alone with him.

reply from: faithman

i think so too. my parents were married(my dad is dead now) but he was a very mean alcoholic and i think she didn't want to be left alone with him.
You need healing between you and your mother. I know how it is. I didn't talk to mine for over 10 years. We patched things up, and I am SSSSsOOOO greatful we did. Maybe as you understand her more, you can forgive her. Notice I didn't say get all involved, just forgive her so you can let go of the hate. Hate is fear on steroids. You don't want to pass that onto your own daughter....and you will if you don't deal. Sorry kiddo, that is just a fact.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i think maybe someday it might be possible but it's like you said i don't think i could get involved. i know i don't want hatred to be a part of lizzies life. i decided a while ago that i'm not going to talk bad about her in front of lizzie because i don't want to program her to have such negativity.

reply from: faithman

You are very smart. And you are a good mom. You might start out writting your mom a letter. Honestly is always best. If you are too hurt to deal, tell her so. You would be SSSSSSOOOOO hurt , if down under all that crap, you still loved her. Start their. Mom, I am hurt, I don't think i can deal, but you are my mom and I love you. Just a little card like that for mommas day. A lot of the load you are carrying will lift off!!! You need to do it for you as much as anybody else.

reply from: nancyu

I love your heart, faithman. But if I were TBH I couldn't forgive my mother if she didn't ask for forgiveness or at least offer some sign of being apologetic. In my view she goes more than halfway toward forgiveness by showing an understanding of what her mother went through. But the rest is up to her mother.
teddybearhamster, I think I agree with faithman, that you should write a letter to your mother and tell her exactly what she did to you. (I feel that she stole your son from you, but that's just me.) Tell her what you said here that you have understanding of why she did this, but that it doesn't excuse what she did to you. I do hope that you will come to a point where you can forgive her, but I think she has to help with that.

reply from: sander

Forgiveness is the single most spiritual thing a human being can do, and the hardest. But, with it comes many blessings and a deep peace.

reply from: teddybearhamster

i think i might write a letter but knowing her as i do i think it might start more trouble than it would do good. she doesn't acknowledge any wrong doing on her part so writing a letter might open myself up to some harassment coming from her and my sister. i will think about this though.

reply from: faithman

i think i might write a letter but knowing her as i do i think it might start more trouble than it would do good. she doesn't acknowledge any wrong doing on her part so writing a letter might open myself up to some harassment coming from her and my sister. i will think about this though.
You guys are missing the point. Forgiveness has nothing to do with her mom. It has to do with getting free from the feelings you have for her. If she is a toxic person, then it would not be healthy to get involvrd with her. But holding the kind of feelings you have is unhealthy. It causes chemical imballances in the body, as well as cause brain chemistry to go wonky. Forgiveness is how we let go of the bad feelings.

reply from: nancyu

I pray each night "...forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us..." It is a soothing prayer and does set me free from some of those toxins you talk about.
But it is hard to truly forgive someone, who doesn't ask forgiveness. In my opinion it takes effort on the part of both people for forgiveness to be true, and complete. Can you forgive someone who aborts a child and isn't sorry? I can't. I can't forgive that person unless that person shows real regret and deep understanding of what he/she has done.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is kind of like love. You can love someone who doesn't love you back, but it is better when two people love each other. It is more true and complete.
Letting go of the bad feelings is definitely the thing to do, though. We can't solve every problem in a day. Life is always a work in progress, right?

reply from: faithman

I pray each night "...forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us..." It is a soothing prayer and does set me free from some of those toxins you talk about.
But it is hard to truly forgive someone, who doesn't ask forgiveness. In my opinion it takes effort on the part of both people for forgiveness to be true, and complete. Can you forgive someone who aborts a child and isn't sorry? I can't. I can't forgive that person unless that person shows real regret and deep understanding of what he/she has done.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is kind of like love. You can love someone who doesn't love you back, but it is better when two people love each other. It is more true and complete.
Letting go of the bad feelings is definitely the thing to do, though. We can't solve every problem in a day. Life is always a work in progress, right?
Don't confuse the act of forgiveness with the act of recieving it. Christ forgave us way before we recieve it. Some may never recieve it, but He still preformed the act of it a calvary. We recieve it when we thank Him for it, not ask Him for it. Avery suttle difference.. My concern is for TBH right now, not her mother. She has atready said she is having mental probs. Toxic thoughts cause toxic chemistry. The cleanser is forgiveness.

reply from: nancyu

I pray each night: "...forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.." It is a soothing prayer and it does help me to let go of those toxins you're talking about.

But to truly forgive someone, I feel that it needs to be an effort on both people involved. Can we truly forgive someone who doesn't ask forgiveness? Can you forgive someone who aborts her child and says she has no regret? I can't. I can't forgive someone who doesn't deeply understand, and regret what they have done. I guess it's kind of like with love, you can love someone who doesn't love you back, but it is more true and complete when it goes both ways.
We definitely need to let go of the bad feelings, though. All problems can't be solved in a day. Life is always a work in progress. Right??

reply from: nancyu

Sorry, I didn't think the first post went through and I changed it a little and posted it again.

reply from: Teresa18

TBH, I left a long PM to you. I shared some of my own health problems including my own struggle with depression to let you know you aren't alone in suffering. But there is hope and God loves you.

reply from: Teresa18

Edit. Sorry for the double message. I keep getting an Error Message that my post isn't making it through, but when I come back, it's posted.

reply from: faithman

I think I agree with you. It does suck when people bigger than you have power over you doesn't it? This should NOT have been her decision. I'm starting to get mad at her too. It seems like she used you to be a surrogate mother for her.
that's what i think too and also as a way to hold onto me. we didn't have a good relationship and she knew once i turned 18 and graduated i was gone. she used it as a way to stop that from happening but it obviously backfired.
Sounds to me like your mother was scared. Scared mostly of being alone. Funny thing about fear. If not delt with, your worst fears come upon you.


2017 ~ LifeDiscussions.org ~ Discussions on Life, Abortion, and the Surrounding Politics